In honor of the one-year anniversary of adopting Teddy and Wesley from Cat Town, their new mom helped them write a playful press release, detailing the not-so-scientific but very heart-warming details of their first 12 months together.

Cat Duo “Tedsley” Unveils Breakthrough Grief Relief Protocol:
Unconventional Approach Produces Swift Results

April 20, 2025 — Alameda, CA — Following a year of intensive testing and research, the upstart cat duo “Tedsley” (a.k.a. Teddy and Wesley the Cats) have announced the stunning results of their new Grief Relief Protocol, demonstrating several unconventional but now proven pathways to hoomin joy, following the loss of a beloved feline friend.

“We created the Shock and Paw Project to test and develop our new protocol in the wild–in an actual home setting and on a hoomin subject (“Mummah”),” said co-researcher Wesley “Brown Boots” Dionne. “We focused on bringing to bear an overwhelming level of cuteness that we believed could penetrate any depth of grief,” he added.

“Overwhelming cuteness can and often occurs spontaneously, especially with Cat Town cats,” explained co-researcher Teddy “White Socks” Dionne. “However, given how many hoomins suffer from grief, we saw an urgent need to develop a formal and foolproof Grief Relief Protocol.”

The central premise of this groundbreaking protocol is that no amount of negativity can endure in the face of unrelenting, overwhelming, and somewhat ridiculous levels of cuteness. Tedsley has identified three novel tactics that, applied in combination, have the power to create the necessary magnitude of cuteness:

The Headbutt Directive: Investigated by Wesley, it consists of regular demands for headbutts, especially after a hoomin enters the front door. This is also known as The Headbutt Greeting Maneuver, since Wesley typically performs the move while balancing atop The Complimentary, Mandatory Headbutt Greeting Station, his 4-foot-high scratching post in the entryway. Related: the Surprise-from-Behind Headbutt Maneuver is reserved for unsuspecting guests seated on the couch and creates an instant sense of surprise and delight (with an emphasis on “Surprise!”).

The Butt-Pat Command: Investigated by Teddy, it consists of unfathomably frequent and plaintive vocal demands for butt pats, often followed by full flop-and-rolls (a.k.a. The Flop-a-saurus Maneuver, usually accompanied by Prone T-Rex Paw Waves). Related: Teddy typically activates the FOMO*-Initiation Sequence, which involves insistence on immediate petting when he detects unacceptably high levels of attention (defined as nearly any attention) being paid to Wesley. (*Fear Of Missing Out)
The 50-First-Dates Simulation: Instigated and rigorously tested by Teddy for 30 straight days, it consists of greeting the test subject first thing in the morning, ideally very early, with a wide-eyed expression of confused terror, as if to convey “Who are you and why am I here?!,” much in the vein of the main character from 50 First Dates, who has lost the ability to form short-term memories. Teddy dutifully and consistently displayed this behavior, despite the test subject providing food, shelter, toys, love, and litter box cleaning every day, which made the simulation particularly confounding–erm… “cute.”

*Teddy “White Socks” Dionne demonstrates T-Rex Paw Waves.*

“As we’ve witnessed for ourselves,” explained Teddy, “no hoomin can remain in a state of negativity when they’re so focused on such an utterly outrageous level of cuteness. The outcome is what we call the Shock and Paw Effect.”

“However, our test subject had just gone through quite a traumatic loss,” confided Wesley. “Her beloved kitty Brucey — a Cat Town alum himself — had recently passed quite suddenly,” he continued. Teddy shared, "So we had no choice but to implement the nuclear option: combining the Headbutt Directive with the Butt-Pat Command. And let me tell you, there is no universe where a hoomin can hold on to sadness while attempting to deliver headbutts and butt pats simultaneously to two different cats. The test subject was rendered extremely happy in the face of our overwhelming cuteness."

The research duo hypothesizes that their new protocol can be used by any cat to elicit hoomin joy in the face of not just grief, but also loneliness, work-related muppetry, relationship woes, world-news stress–and a whole host of other distressing situations. And they call upon cats everywhere to do just that for their hoomins.

About Tedsley

This terrific brown tabby duo was rehabilitated, given a second chance, and placed together as a bonded pair by the amazing souls who work at Cat Town (special shout out to Dilara!), then cared for by their dedicated foster before adopting Britt as their mummah. Wesley “Headbutts/Brown Boots” Dionne is an empath who tunes into the feelings of everyone who crosses the threshold he guards. Teddy “Pat My Butt/White Socks” Dionne is an expert in FOMO, which comprises 95% of his chonky kitty body.

To Learn More

Visit Cat Town to connect with their adoptable cats and to reconnect with your own sense of joy. www.cattownoakland.org

Cat Duo “Tedsley” Unveils Breakthrough Grief Relief Protocol